Love is a bit like the dampness that comes after persistent rain.

Love is a bit like the air that fills the sky and every tiny space.

The birds fly in it, the wind blows in it, but we never see it.

Love is most like gravity.

A tiny force between me and the sun that holds a mighty planet in orbit.

A force that weighs my foot to the ground and links me to every point of the universe.

A mysterious, invisible, undeniable connection between you and me.

Deep in her gaze

we met

in love

with the dawn

she showed me

the sparkling jewels

which dripped

from

her silent mouth

I have very few memories of my year in the fourth grade, about forty five years ago, but one has returned vividly in the last few years.

M was petite and pretty, with olive skin and pearly teeth, her fair hair held back from her face with a clip. A lively little eight year old with a bright smile and skinny legs in a school uniform.

She wasn’t my special friend but we all loved her in our childish way.

One day as we went out for play time things just weren’t right.

M sat at the back of the room, and as we filed past her desk she hadn’t gone out, and was crying. Under her desk was a puddle. She had wet herself and was sobbing with shame.

In hushed tones Mr A saw us out of the room and closed the door.

When we came back, M was gone, and I don’t really remember her again.

In the innocence of youth, the incident meant so little. The class was large and children were away from time to time, or left. We had no expectation or need of explanations, so many things we didn’t understand, so many things to discover, and memories faded quickly.

In later life the horrible realisation that Mary may have been abused, raped or molested haunts me. I feel her pain and shame, and see the despair that was in her face as I walked past her desk.

I just don’t know what to think of it, I wish I could offer some comfort.

U2 – Achtung Baby

Every artist is a cannibal
Every poet is a thief
They all kill their inspiration
and sing about their grief

The perfect epitaph for a band that died of exposure in the cold world of novelty.

But I did enjoy them so long ago, and Achtung Baby was a great album.

Trouble and misery,

Battling demons with com-

fort in my fear dodging

society.

Broken hearted, impaired

neurologically,

might salvage something from

anxiety.

 
In the middle of the room was a huge piano.

A Concert Grand.

Black and shiny,

with a diagonal stripe of red and silver.

Stunning.
 
 
 
I couldn’t fully realise then that the dream piano represents the enormous impact of music in my life.
 

Stevie Wonder – Talking Book

The many sounds that meet our ears
the sights our eyes behold,
Will open up our merging hearts,
And feed our empty souls

A friend introduced me to Talking Book. I had a bit of adolescent cringe about My Cherie Amour. I got over it. I still have her copy of the album after all these years.

Stevie always just sings his heart out.

We were singing La La La – La la La La  in the supermarket this morning. Just like Stevie taught us to.

Epiphanist: “Thank you Father Stephen. I wrote to you a little while ago that I had struggled with the lengthy post reformation statement of belief which you published. The short statement of things we know in this post is much closer to the mark for me, though in my ignorance I do not even know all these things. Is there reconciliation between the rigid dogma of the creeds and my own experience of Christ in the Spirit?”

Father Stephen: “I think the dogma of the creeds seem rigid when approached in a rational manner – which makes them seem sort of two-dimensional or less. It is the living reality of which the Creed is an expression that is life. The experience of the Church agrees with the Creed – and the Creed represents something of a “fence” as some have called it – but it is the reality of the living knowledge of God that is our life. Ultimately there should be no contradiction between the creedal expression and our experience.

If our experience begins to run “contrary” to the Creed, then there is occasion to examine and question our experience for the possibility of delusion (at the least). It is here that the Creed as “fence” comes in to play.

If you have access to Fr. Sophrony’s writings, read some in his book We Shall See Him As He Is. There is a wealth of experience there – but also a faithfulness to the dogma. He is an example of how these things are not contradictory or in competition.”

Sometimes words from the Bible come as truth. Like dreams, once resolved they can become part of the way. Prophecy or wisdom? Or delusion?

In this case the words which came were about the rift in the church which had separated my friend and myself from our former congregation, and each other.

The Christ’s difficult prophecy from Luke 12:51- “Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three; a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”

The meaning of the prophecy has become clear.  I am certain that unity is properly with Christ in the Spirit – and not with each other.

In the context of the Church, it fragmented straight away, and never looked like being unified in any earthly sense, despite the contrary vision of many reformers. St Athanasius particularly comes to mind, his vision for the unity of the Trinity turned upside down and split the Godhead into three instead.

The certainty of my understanding was bound to cause problems. I had earlier saved this quote from my favourite commentator, Father Stephen, about his beloved Orthodox Church. “The Church is God’s vision of united mankind – a union achieved through the gift of God and not by human effort. It is a union which maintains a diversity of sorts (the languages do not become one “super” language – so much for the “unity” of Latin) but a diversity whose unity is found in true union with the one, living and true God.”

It is little wonder there was disagreement.